


In Need Of Saving

by KitsuneMalfoy



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-23 12:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10719264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitsuneMalfoy/pseuds/KitsuneMalfoy
Summary: Julian Albert lives for danger. When he meets Caitlin Snow, he knows what it actually means to live for danger.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Taking A Bullet 

It was a normal day in Central City. It was unusually quiet with no Meta-Humans running around, No Flash to save the day. He had been partnered with Barry Allen, the golden boy of the Central City Police Department. Of course Captain Singh would pair him up with him. 

He scowled once Barry showed up at the crime scene with Detective West, he took off his sun glasses placing them in his pocket.

“Do you have anything Julian?” Barry asked as he moved closer to the scene kneeling down next to Julian, the blonde looked up at Barry as he put on his gloves so he could find any residue of the husk that was laying in front of him. 

“No, from what it looks like, it's been here for weeks, washed up on the shore, probably from Coast City. I would need to take some samples back to the lab and see if I can analysis it there.” Julian said as his accent was thick he moved to stand up watching Barry just in case the other did something without him knowing. 

“Do you want me to help?” Barry asked as he moved to stand up brushing off his jeans. “No thank you Allen. I'm sure I can do this without your help” Julian said as he moved to grab some samples before he placed his sun glasses back on, he moved to grab his equipment. 

“Well there's got to be something I can do at least.” Julian turned to glance at Barry, he cleared his throat moving a step closer. 

“If I needed your help Allen, I would let you know.” He said cooly as he walked off of the crime scene heading back to C.C.P.D without the help of Barry or Joe. 

“No matter how many times I try, there's no getting through to him.” Barry said to Joe as he Joe placed a hand on his shoulder squeezing it. 

“He'll warm up to you. Don't worry Bar.” Joe said as they headed back to C.C.P.D after Julian.  
-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Once Julian walked into C.C.P.D he noticed a woman in her early twenties probably sitting down in one of the seats in the lobby. He noticed her features, her auburn curly hair resting peacefully on her shoulders, she wore a forest green dress that snug against her perfectly. He cleared his throat as he made his way over to her. 

“Excuse me miss? Are you waiting for someone?” Julian asked as he stood in front of the woman, he was caught off guard with how much emotion that he saw in her eyes. She was gorgeous. 

She stood up and smoothed out her dress. “Yes, I'm actually here to meet up with Barry Allen. Is he here?” Julian looked at her cursing to himself. Of course a woman like her would be here for Barry Allen, he was the golden boy after all. 

He was about to reply when he heard gun shots coming through the lobby, His quick move was to shield the woman from the bullets. 

“Don't move!” Julian heard the male shout, he looked up seeing the male that the cops had caught last week. He had been arrested for first degree murder. He looked around seeing the cops swarming around the man aiming their guns at him. 

“This is surely pathetic.” The man chuckled as he fired his gun at the cops watching as all of them fell down to the ground covered with blood. 

“You! Blondie! Hands up!” Julian looked down at the woman who was watching with fear, he moved to uncover her as he raised his hands up, he watched as the man moved closer to the two of them. He noticed the woman a smirk resting on his face. 

“What's your name beautiful?” He asked as he moved closer to the girl, he watched as the blonde moved closer to her causing him to chuckle again. 

“I believe I asked you a question. I won't repeat it.” He growled lowly as he moved to grab her chin she pulled away quickly. 

“I won't answer to you.” She seethed as she tried to keep a straight face. Though it was clear in her eyes that she was scared she did hide it well if you didn't look close enough. 

He moved to grab her chin once more gripping it harshly. Julian made a moved pushing the taller man away from her causing him to stumble back slightly. 

“Don't touch her.” He said with a glare in his eyes causing the man to laugh. “What are you going to do kid? Fight me?” He raised his gun pointing it at Julian. 

The next second happened in a blur as he watched a red streak coming towards him saving him from the bullet, he watched as the Flash hand cuffed the killer quickly. 

Joe ran over to Julian and Caitlin placing a hand on Julian's shoulder. “Are you alright?” He asked worriedly, Julian let out a shaky breath before nodding his head, he turned to look at the girl who was a little bit shaken up with a slight bruise on her face causing him to clench his jaw. 

“Caitlin, You're hurt.” Joe said as he moved over to Caitlin lifting up her chin to take a look at the bruise. 

“I'm okay Joe,” Caitlin smile some as she hugged him tightly. “Just make sure you put some ice on that alright?” He said as he pulled away from Caitlin to go clean up the mess that was in the lobby. 

Barry turned to look at Julian and Caitlin nodding to them before heading out to bring the killer over to the police. 

“I'm sorry, I should have done more..” Julian said as he turned to stand in front of Caitlin. He noticed Caitlin biting the corner of her lip.  
“You did enough not many would take a bullet for me, thank you.” She said with a soft smile holding out her hand. “Dr. Caitlin Snow.” She said as she introduced herself. 

Julian wiped off his hand before placing it in Caitlin's shaking it gently. “Julian Albert.” He cleared his throat watching her closely. 

“Well Julian, I'm sure we will be seeing a lot of each other.” She said as she pulled her hand away before heading out of the lobby to go find Barry. 

Julian watched her leave with a small smile on his face not knowing what he was getting himself into. 

-x-x-x-x-x-x-


	2. Chapter Two: Not Afraid

“I have powers” Julian looked up at Caitlin with his eyes wide after he took a sip of his coffee that they both decided to get from C.C Jitters. After Julian had saved Caitlin from the Meta Human attack the two of them found themselves closer to each other than expected. They had exchanged phone numbers and started texting each other on and off during the day while neither of them were busy. Soon their texting became calling then calling became to having coffee with each other every morning before work. 

It was something that Julian really enjoyed. He got to learn so much about Caitlin Snow. Somethings that she never told anyone before and he felt special enough to even be apart of her life now. But the one secret that he thought was never possible to hear in a woman like Caitlin Snow was kind of ironic to him. He took a deep breath before placing his coffee mug down. 

“Powers?, W-What kind of powers exactly?” Julian asked as his accent was thick, watched as she placed her cup down. He saw the hesitation in her eyes causing him to worry slightly. 

“It.. happened a few months ago. I felt really sick and I woke up one morning, pale, my hands covered in ice, my hair turned white. I thought I was dead but I wasn't. I turned into something I feared more than anything.” Caitlin said softly as she looked at Julian watching his expressions. She hoped that she didn't scare him away. 

Julian cleared his throat, he straightened himself up as he placed his hands the table in front of him. “So you're a Meta human?” He watched as Caitlin nodded her head, his mind was still processing around the fact that the woman in front of him was a Meta Human, and probably not one of the good ones when her powers got loose. 

Though part of him wanted to help Caitlin, and show her that she shouldn't fear her powers, that she could do some good with them. He looked down watching Caitlin toying with the cuffs around her wrists, he noticed the red irritation skin which caused him to frown slightly.

“Caitlin, I'm not going to tell you that.. I know from experience as to what you are going through but.. I'm not going to abandoned you. I'm going to help you take control of these powers you have.” He moved his hand slowly over to hers causing his heart to race against his chest. He frowned slightly when he saw Caitlin pulling her hand away 

“I'm not afraid of you, or your powers Caitlin. I may not know how these powers work But I want to show you that you don't have to be shy towards me when it comes to this. I want to help you if you'll let me.” Julian said softly yet reassuringly to her his fingers itched to touch hers wanting to be closer to her in anyway possible. 

Caitlin looked up nodding her head “I would like that, thank you Julian.” She said softly as she moved her hand to his holding it gently which caused Julian to smile. Just then he heard his ears start to ring and his world going black not before watching as Caitlin pass out as well. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-X

“Caitlin! Caitlin Are you alright?” Julian asked soon as he gained his ability to be wary, he looked around frantically seeing Caitlin trapped under the concrete, he tried to crawl to her but he felt himself stuck under the rubble of ceiling that collapsed on top of them.

“I-I'm fine.. w-what happened?” She asked, it happened out of the blue, she looked around, she could hear the people in the building shouting, screaming for help. She needed to do something, she needed to call Barry.

But she couldn't. Julian didn't know she was working with The Flash, she knew that C.C.P.D would be here but people could die before they do. 

“Julian.. I need you to take off my cuffs.” She exclaimed as she coughed when she started to smell the smoke coming from the explosion of the building. She watched as Julian stared at her with wide eyes. 

“Caitlin, Are you sure? There has to be another way.” Julian said as he tried to squirm out from the rubble, Caitlin shook her head. No there was no other way. 

“Julian! There is no other way! Please!” Even though she didn't want to risk the exposure of her powers to those innocent lives around her she had no other choice but to do what was necessary. 

Julian groaned as he moved his way closer to Caitlin, he looked at her hands noticing that they were bleeding he reached to grab her cuffs off of her wrists placing them down next to him. 

He gulped as he watched Caitlin struggling slightly with herself before she opened her eyes he saw the silver mixed with blue, her hands turned pale white as frost exited from the palms of her hands. He watched as Caitlin shattered the rubble with the ice shards the escaped from her fingers. 

Caitlin moved to sit up brushing the pieces of rubble off of her as she moved over to Julian shattering the rubble with her hands. 

Julian stood up brushing himself off quickly, he turned to face Caitlin. “Caitlin..It's okay now.” He said softly as he moved closer to her. 

“I'm.. I'm loosing control.”Caitlin said shakily as she felt Killer Frost taking over, she didn't want Julian to see that side of her. She didn't want him to see her as a monster. 

Julian looked around before he remembered the handcuffs, he moved quickly picking them up. He stood closer to her, holding her hands in his not caring if there was frostbite forming on his hands, he gently placed the cuffs back on her wrists watching her turn back to her original self. He let out a breath of relief. 

He was shocked when he felt her arms wrap around his shoulders, he moved to wrap his arms around her waist hugging her gently to him. 

“Thank you Julian.” She mumbled into his ear as she heard the sirens and felt a rush of air around them showing signs of Barry being there 

“Are you two alright?” Julian looked over seeing the other civilians out of the rubble and smoke he turned to look at The Flash nodding his head. 

He kept his hold on Caitlin as he watched The Flash zip out of the scene before he moved to help her out of the building. From then on he vowed to be by Caitlin's side no matter how long it took for her to get her to control her powers.   
X-x-x-x-x-x-x-X


	3. Chapter Three: You're Not A Killer

Caitlin watched as the world around her turned white, snow flying around her at a fast pace, ice following her path as she walked down the road, she looked around for any source of heat, something that would keep her warm. She needed the warmth in order to stay alive. 

Though this wasn't what she wanted, she didn't want to be Killer Frost. She had tried so hard to fight her off, to push her deep down to where she couldn't get out again but when she had heard her last heart beat, she thought it was over for her, until they betrayed her wishes. She would have rather die than become this monster, but now it was too late. She had to live up to the name Killer Frost. 

X-x-x-x-x-X

“I found her! Guys! I found her!” Cisco exclaimed as the others came rushing into the cortex. 

Julian and Cisco had found her after hours of searching Cisco looked over at Julian, seeing the look of relief on his face. He had never meant what he said about him killing his best friend. He was just upset and angry knowing that Caitlin had died and became someone she feared the most. 

It wasn't Julian's fault that he took off the necklace. He did it only because he loved her and wanted her alive rather than dead no matter what cost, or her wishes. He didn't want to see someone he cared about die at the palm of his hands. 

After Killer Frost escaped S.T.A.R Labs they had begun their search, Barry and Wally ran around the entire city, block after block in search of their dear friend who was trapped inside of a killer, who needed heat to survive. 

“Cisco, I need you to bring me too her.” Julian said as he stood up straight, he placed his hand on his shoulder a look of determination rested on his face. 

“Julian, I'm not sure that's a good idea.” Barry had said as he walked over to them. Julian looked over at Barry. 

“You don't get to call the shots here Allen. This is Caitlin we are talking about, Not Iris. You don't get it a say in what's a good idea and what's not.” Julian said as his accent was thick. 

“Julian, this isn't Caitlin anymore, this is Killer Frost. What if she hurts you or worse?” Iris said softly as she moved closer to Julian, she knew how hard this must've been for him. Watching the person he cared about most wandering the streets as their inner demon. 

“I don't care. We find her, we bring her back here and we'll start coming up with a cure before she's gone for good.” He said as he felt his arms relax from her touch yet he was still tense from the situation. 

“Are you sure about this Julian?”Joe asked as he looked at him with concern and worry. Julian turned over to Cisco before nodding his head. 

“I've never been more sure about anything before Detective.” He mumbled as he felt Iris wrap her arms around his shoulders.   
“Just, be careful out there okay?” She said softly as she pulled away from him moving over to Barry who wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him. Barry didn't like the idea of Julian being so reckless but he had experience and he knew that if he was in Julian's shoes that he would be doing the same thing. 

“Alright, let's go get her back.” Julian nodded as he felt Cisco grab his arm before feeling himself getting flashed to the scene where Caitlin was. 

X-x-x-x-x-X

Julian stumbled on his feet as he felt Cisco place his hand on his back to steady him. Killer Frost looked up as she dropped the body from her hands a cruel smirk resting on her face with blood stains on her hands as she watched the poor man crumble into ice shards. 

“The whole team has arrived. Good, I can kill you all at the same time.” She sneered as her voice wavered Julian stared at her, her new outfit was something that caught his eyes, without even knowing his heart started racing against his chest. 

“Caitlin.. Caitlin please this isn't you.” Cisco said as he walked closer to his friend, he wanted to believe that this wasn't Caitlin. That Caitlin was back at S.T.A.R Labs waiting for them with her warm brown eyes and her gentle hugs. 

“I already told you, Caitlin Snow is dead.” She walked closer to Cisco watching as his hands trembled, which caused her smirk to grow. 

“Caitlin..” She turned her head at the sound of the all to familiar accent, she looked at Julian she felt a familiar part of her string against her chest, no Caitlin was dead was she? Barry and Wally stood back as they watched Cisco and Julian try to bring Caitlin back to her normal self. Barry silently hoped that it would work. 

Her eyes glowed a silver-ish white as she raised her hands, she felt a pair of warm hands resting in hers , she felt her eyes glow back to her ice blue ones. She looked down at the hands seeing they were being turned blue by the coldness of her own hands. 

“What are you doing?!” She asked as she tried to pry her hands away, Barry and Wally stepped forward, Cisco raised a hand for them to not make another move as they watched Julian carefully. 

“Caitlin, please. Don't do this. I care about you too much to watch you turn into something you're not.”Killer Frost felt her hands start to tremble in his. No she had to do this. This was her life now. It was what she was meant to do. 

“Caitlin Snow is dead.” She repeated even though now she didn't believe those words anymore, Julian stared at her, he didn't believe her words either, he knew that Caitlin was still in there somewhere. She just needed a push. 

“If she's dead, then you would have no problem in killing me.”Julian said softly as he kept his hold on her hands. “You want to live up to your name, Killer Frost? Then kill me right now.” Julian said more forcefully as he watched her hands frost over seeing that they were shaking slightly. 

“What are you waiting for?, I thought you wanted to kill us. To kill me This is your chance. Kill me Caitlin.” He whispered softly. Barry watched as he saw the familiar scene as he remembered her first time being taken over by Killer Frost as he was the one who brought their friend back. But now he knew that Julian would be the one that she would listen to. 

“Caitlin isn't a killer. She's a good person. She's sweet, kind, loving, gentle. A better person than any of us are. I know she's in their and I will do whatever it takes to get her back even if it means waiting forever.” He said softly as he watched Caitlin struggling with herself her hands trembled as she pulled them away. 

She looked at Julian before looking down at her own hands she watched as they frosted over, hitting them with a wave of ice watching them fall to the ground. 

“Just because I didn't kill you now, doesn't mean I won't. Don't follow me!” She growled lowly as she tried to cover up the fact that Caitlin almost escaped her as she ran away from the scene leaving the boys dumbfounded and stunned all of them knowing that Caitlin was still there and they would do whatever it took to bring her back. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-X


	4. Chapter Four: Confrontation

“Cisco you almost had her, why didn't you take the shot?” Cisco had heard Julian ask as they headed into the cortex. Cisco felt his fingers clench as he took off his gloves and his goggles slamming them down onto the desk next to him. He quickly turned around to face Julian. 

“Almost is not going to get Caitlin back now is it Julian?” Cisco snapped at the male, he was tired of hearing Julian's voice asking about Caitlin, why isn't anyone looking for Caitlin? He knew that Julian cared for Caitlin, maybe even loved her? 

That was it. He knew that Julian loved Caitlin, but for how long? Though right now wasn't the time. 

Cisco leaned back against the desk as he gripped his hair, everything remembered him of Caitlin, he could remember her smile, her warm brown eyes, the way that she was there to comfort anyone who was willing, she was the heart of Team Flash and it feels like the team was falling apart now more than ever. 

“Cisco, she would've been back here already if you had just taken her out. What caused you to hold back? Cisco what aren't you telling me?” Julian asked as he made his way over to Cisco, He was going to get the answers out of him. Was Cisco in love with Caitlin as well? Was Cisco fighting for the same reason as he was? A pang hit his chest. 

“I'm not having this conversation right now.” Cisco said as he tried to move away from Julian, he headed towards his work station but he felt a hand grab his arm. 

“Julian, I said I'm not having this conversation!” He said forcefully. Julian stared at him for a moment moving his hand back down to his side. 

“No, We are having this conversation. We don't have time for this conversation to wait.” Julian said steady as he watched Cisco turn around to face him. 

“Why did you hold yourself back Cisco?” Julian asked as he looked at him, he watched as Cisco's hands started shaking, he could see the tears start forming in his eyes. 

“Because I'm scared, I'm scared I'm going to be turning evil, just like her.” He whispered. Julian stared at him with wide eyes. Evil? Cisco turning evil? Cisco was one of the most kind hearted people he's ever met other than Caitlin. How could someone like him turn evil? Did this have something to do with his Earth 2 counter part? Like Killer Frost? It was the only thing that he could thing of. 

“You won't turn evil Cisco. Just because you have these powers.. doesn't mean you can turn evil. Everyone has a choice.” Julian said as he gulped, he watched as Cisco moved closer to him. 

“Caitlin didn't have a choice. Every where I turn, I see her. I see her smile, her warm eyes, I can't hurt her Julian. She's my best friend. If I use these powers, and I loose control, I could end up hurting Barry, Wally, You, I could kill her. I can't do that.” Cisco said as he felt himself on the verge of breaking down. 

“I care about her too Cisco. I want her back here with us. Not out there working with Savitar, We need to get her back at no matter what costs. You have to do what is right Cisco even if it means hurting her. This is what Caitlin would want if she was here. She would be telling you the same thing.” He said softly.

Cisco was about to reply when he saw an ice shard heading towards Julian, He quickly pushed Julian out of the way covering his body before moving away from him, he turned seeing Caitlin walking towards them as a trail of ice was behind her with a smirk on her face. 

“I'm going to say this again. Caitlin Snow is dead. It's about time you boys start realizing that.” Killer Frost looked at them with a cold glare as she raised her hands sending a wave of ice causing them to collide with the farthest wall hitting their backs then falling to the floor with a groan. 

“Caitlin...” Cisco groaned as he moved slightly which caused Killer Frost to aim another wave of frost towards him he felt his hands shaking. No, he wasn't going to let Caitlin get away this time. He looked up at Caitlin seeing the cold look on her face before he raised his hands up aiming a beam into her direction causing her to stumble back to the floor. 

Cisco moved to stand up he held out his hand for Julian. Julian took his hand quickly brushing off his coat as he looked over in Caitlin's direction who got up to her feet. 

“Hm, I didn't know you had it in you Cisco. I guess I was wrong.” She hummed softly as she moved closer to them as her hands frosted over and ice shard appeared in her hand. Cisco raised his hands getting ready to aim. 

“Now, which one of you boys is going to be my lucky target today?” Killer Frost toyed with them as she inched her way closer watching as the boys backed away from her with a smirk on her face. 

“I think.. I'll pick you.” She pointed over to Julian who stood closer to Cisco. Cisco growled lowly as he pushed Julian behind him. 

“Caitlin you don't have to do this.. please.” He flinched when he heard Caitlin laugh, it was cold and dark it made him believe that Caitlin wasn't there for a moment. That Caitlin Snow was actually dead. 

“I already told you, This is what I do now. This is who I am now. If you can't accept that then well that's your funeral.” She said darkly as she aimed frost towards them, Cisco aimed back with just as much power. Julian watched as the walls around them turned to ice, he could heard the crackling of the walls. His ears perked up at the sound of part of the ceiling was coming down on them. 

Julian quickly made a move and pushed Cisco out of the way from the rubble of the ceiling that collapsed. He covered Cisco with his body as he turned seeing the ceiling was now torn to pieces of rubble on the ground. 

A thought ran into his mind as his eyes widened. 'Caitlin!' He stood up quickly seeing Caitlin's arm stretched out from the rubble. He moved over to to it as he tried to lift up the heavy blocks. 

“Cisco help!” Julian said frantically as he groaned he could feel blood dripping from his arm as he tried to get Caitlin out. Cisco came over running to them as he helped Julian feeling his strength not matching his. He felt a gust of wind around him he looked over seeing Wally and Barry. 

“What happened!?” Barry asked as he walked over to them. Cisco shook his head. “ Now's not the time! Caitlin is under here!” Barry looked at him with wide eyes as he and Wally rushed over to help with the rubble and the debris. Julian pulled out Caitlin slowly making sure that no more rocks or bricks could cut into her skin. 

Cisco groaned as he dropped the heavy debris back down. He turned to face Barry and Wally before he looked over at Caitlin. 

“She's still breathing, let's get her to the med bay quick.” Julian said as he stood up picking Caitlin up gently who was passed out from the fight. 

“Barry.. I..” Barry shook his head placing his hand on Cisco's shoulder gently. “We'll get her back I promise.” Cisco watched as Barry and Wally rushed to the med bay with Julian. Cisco looked down at his hands that were trembling. 

'I almost killed her' 

Cisco felt tears start to fall down his eyes for the first time sense he watched Caitlin die. 

X-x-x-x-x-X


	5. Chapter Five: Old Memories Die hard

“You know.. it's funny, this is like old times. Back when Barry was in a coma and Caitlin and I were the ones who were watching over him.” Cisco said to Julian as he sat back in his chair as he watched Caitlin who had been passed out from their battle. Cisco remembered when he tried to cheer up Caitlin who had been too focused on trying to heal Barry. They didn't even know Barry back then. But Cisco knew that there was a special connection between the three of them. 

“Really?” Julian asked he looked at Caitlin's vitals. He didn't know why he was trying to be the doctor here. He wasn't a doctor. He was hardly a surgeon. But when he looked over at Caitlin. He remembered the night she died and turned to Killer Frost. He had promised too Caitlin that he wouldn't let her become Killer Frost. But now.. now he felt like he failed her. And all he had were those memories of her. 

Cisco looked up at Julian, noticing the distant look in his eye. It was the same look that he saw when Caitlin was grieving Ronnie's death. It took a long time for Caitlin to open up to him. He fought every single day to make sure that Caitlin smiled and laughed. Maybe that is what Julian needed too. Someone to be there for him. Caitlin had been his rock. Caitlin had made Julian open up more and he liked that side of him. It was different. It was nice. 

“We'll get her back Julian.” Cisco said as he stared at Caitlin watching her chest move up and down, seeing if there was any signs of her waking up. 

Julian nodded, he wanted to believe Cisco. He wanted to believe his every word that they'll get Caitlin back. He wanted to start over. He wanted to show Caitlin how much he cared for her. How much he loved her. How much she meant to him. 

“When.. she first came to me, about her powers. She asked me for help. She looked so.. scared..” Julian trailed off as he remembered the day when Caitlin had come to his and Barry's shared lab to apologize for her Killer Frost episode. Cisco pursed his lips, Caitlin had never told him that. And usually she would come to him with everything. Caitlin was his best friend after all. Something sparked inside of him as jealousy waved over a bit. 

“I told her.. I don't cure meta humans, I put them in prison.” Julian let out a wet laugh as he moved across the room picking up a tablet to check for any signs of side affects. “I should have said yes back then. I should have told her that I would help her. And maybe.. maybe we would have a cure right now if I had just said yes.” Julian ran his hand over his face. 

“Julian.. you can't blame yourself for this. Caitlin wouldn't want you to do that.” Cisco said softly as if Caitlin wasn't in the room. As if she wasn't Killer Frost. Julian turned to look at Cisco. 

“But that's the thing Cisco. I do blame myself. I shouldn't have ripped off her damn necklace. I shouldn't have said no to helping her back then. I should.. I should have told her I loved her!” Julian exclaimed loudly as he clawed at his hair placing the tablet down. 

“If I had told her I loved her, If I had said something instead of pushing her away when she told me about the philosophers stone. She would be here. She would be home.” Julian looked down at Caitlin he moved closer to the other side of the bed moving his hand to hers holding it gently not caring about the coldness it left in his.   
“You don't know that for sure Julian..” Cisco watched as he saw the side of Julian that he thought he would never see. Something that made him think of Barry. About how Barry is willing to do whatever it took to save Iris. About how much Barry loves Iris. 

“You don't know that it wouldn't have happened that way either Cisco.” Julian said harshly he watched as Cisco flinched from his sharp tone. He ran his hands through his hair. 

Just when Cisco was about to reply to Julian, he looked up and saw Caitlin moving. He stood quickly but still hold her hand. He watched as Caitlin opened her eyes which caused Julian's breath to leave him. 

“Caitlin…” He whispered softly as he tried to get her to recognize him. Caitlin turned to look at Julian. 

“That's not my name.” Caitlin said coldly as she used her hands to blast a wave of frost into their directions watching them fly towards the walls hitting the ground harshly. Caitlin stood up ripping off the wires from her hands as she brushed off her dress. 

“My name, is Killer Frost.” Caitlin said as she turned to look at the boys who looked at her with wide eyes. Caitlin moved out of the med bay. 

Cisco moved up quickly as he ran over to Julian to help him up, he looked at him holding his arm. “You okay?” He asked. Julian nodded as they made a move to follow Caitlin out of the cortex and into the hall way. 

“Caitlin! Caitlin please ! It doesn't have to be this way!” Cisco shouted as he watched Caitlin standing in front of the elevator. Julian looked at her, something was calling to him the way that she looked at him and Cisco. He could see the old Caitlin in there somewhere. If only he could reach out to her. 

“Caitlin! Caitlin please.. I can fix you!” Julian shouted desperately as he made a move to stand in front of her. Caitlin licked her lips. She didn't want to be fixed. Can't they see that? Can't they see that she just wants to be accepted for who she was. Why couldn't they accept her? 

“I will do whatever it takes, I even if it takes an eternity. I will find you a cure. I will save you Caitlin..” Caitlin felt tears swarming in her eyes. She knew that Julian would do anything and everything to get Caitlin back. That was what she liked most about him. About how much Julian reminded her of Ronnie. 

“I love you Caitlin..” Something inside of her snapped. She felt the old Caitlin struggling her way out. She could feel her eyes changing, it made her feel weak. No she couldn't show any signs of weakness. Not right now. Not when she was still at large. 

“I never loved you Julian..” She said coldly as she watched Julian's eyes. She wanted to take back her words. She wanted to say she did love him too. That she wanted everything to stop. But Killer Frost kept her at bay as she made her way into the elevator staring at her old family one last time before closing the door. 

'I love you too..' 

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-X


	6. Chapter Six: Heart Made Of Ice

'Cait.. whatever happens next.. I just want you too know.. I love you.' 

'Ronnie!' 

Caitlin remembered that day as if it were yesterday, those memories that she buried deep down inside of her when she turned into Killer Frost were now once again coming back up. It was all thanks to Cisco. Cisco had to open up his big mouth and remind her that there was still part of Caitlin in her. The part that held onto those cherished memories, the part that made her feel weak. 

Every memory she had with Ronnie was something she kept near and dear to her heart. Ronnie had been her beacon of hope, Ronnie gave her a purpose of living, she wanted to get married, start a family and grow old with him. But those dreams were pulled away when Ronnie decided to play hero twice. Ronnie was too good to be so selfish to not help when disaster was near. That was one of the things she loved about him. His selflessness. 

'I didn't want him to be a hero, I wanted him to be my husband' 

Those words still lingered onto her. Yes she didn't want Ronnie to be a hero. Because if Ronnie was a hero, it would pull Ronnie away from her. And it did. She remembered Ronnie turning to her as Barry went up into the dark matter that was destroying Central City. She could hear people shouting, car alarms, the wind flapping her hair around as she watched Ronnie, her heart was breaking, turning into something cold. Something that she didn't think was possible for her. 

'Ronnie no! It's too dangerous!'

'Cait.. I have to try.' 

Her mind wandered as she remembered Ronnie turning into Firestorm with Stein. She watched as they went up to the dark matter. She looked up with so much hope. She hoped that Ronnie would come out alive, they could finally have their honeymoon. They could live together and start their lives together as husband and wife, but when she stared into the sky as the dark matter swarmed away she watched as Stein fell to the ground Barry rushing to grab him quickly placing him down to the ground She ran over to Barry, she felt her heart turning cold, numb and broken as if part of her was gone. 

And that's when she broke, she felt Barry's arms wrap around her broken frame whispering to her how sorry he was held her tight, she felt Iris placing her hand on her back as she cried into Barry's arms, crying for Ronnie. It was then she didn't know it but she felt a spark in her heart, she felt Killer Frost being born. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-X

'No, no not again..' 

When Caitlin had watched Jay Garrick die by the hands of Zoom, it brought that coldness back, she didn't want to believe that Jay was dead She didn't want to believe that another part of her was gone. She felt herself breaking just when she was starting to feel normal again, just when she was starting to feel like herself everything started going down.   
She remembered being so in shock, that she didn't even feel Cisco's arms wrap around her as she was pulled out of the room as Barry, Joe and Harry watched her with heart broken faces. 

She remembered sleeping at Star Labs every night because whenever she went home, she felt cold. It scared her. It scared her so much that now she alone again. She was alone and scared and she didn't know what to do. 

She remembered Cisco telling everyone that Jay Garrick was Zoom, the man that she fell in love with was a killer, a monster it didn't take long for her become the shell that she was before she met Jay, after Ronnie's death. 

'Please!, Please just let him go! If anything..anything you said to me was real! If you have any humanity left in you.. then please just.. just let him go!' 

Back then part of her hoped that what she said would make Jay see how much he's hurt her and return to normal, apologize for everything he did wrong, but he didn't. He had taken her and held her prison, kept whispering her nothing but lies. About how much he loved her still even after everything he's done. 

And that's when she met someone who she thought didn't exist. Her doppleganger. Killer Frost. Something inside of her sparked again. That feeling she felt when Ronnie died. It was a feeling that she didn't want to feel. She didn't want to feel that numbness in her heart. 

And that's when she snapped, she watched Jay kill Killer Frost by shoving an ice shard in her stomach. She watched with wide eyes as she saw the body slump onto the floor. She felt her body shake in fear, her eyes swarmed with tears. Yes Killer Frost tried to kill her, but Killer Frost was her, she was Caitlin Snow. And if Jay can kill Killer Frost without remorse than he could kill her as well with no regret no matter how much he said he loved her. 

'You said you would spare them!' 

'I can see the darkness inside of you Caitlin, just like it was inside of Killer Frost..' 

'I love you Cait' 

'You're nothing but a monster ' 

Killer Frost tried to get those memories out of her head, she didn't want to feel this way anymore. She buried her face into her hands as Caitlin's memories kept replaying in her head. As if they were trying to break her. No. she wasn't going to let that happen. She couldn't let that happen. But as she tried to keep the memories at bay. She remembered one that was close to her heart. 

'Are you going soft on me Julian?' 

'Yes.. absolutely'

That memory was precious to her, she had felt a sheer moment of happiness then, knowing that she was the one who was able to bring Julian out of the cold and distant shell he was in back when she first met him. She had adored seeing this side of Julian, Julian reminded him of her back when she first met Barry. She could remember his lips on hers, they weren't rough, they were soft and gentle, she remembered how slow and careful Julian was as he ran his hand through her hair but breaking the kiss instantly after slipping his left hand on her bandage. 

Killer Frost felt Caitlin trying to break through, she felt tears swarming in her eyes as she pushed those memories back making her heart return to her normal state. She wiped her face. 

“Are you ready my child?” Frost looked up seeing Savitar entering the room. She pursed her lips before standing up straight as she brushed off her coat. 

“Ready for what?” She asked coldly with ice lingering in her voice, Savitar moved closer to her, he bent down staring into her eyes . 

“My Ascension is coming near. I need you to do one more thing for me.” He said robotically as if there wasn't a sign of Barry Allen in him. As if there wasn't a sign of humanity which reminded her of Hunter. 

“What do you need me to do?” She asked not showing any signs of fear or weakness, as she proved her loyalty to Savitar. Feeling her heart return to her cold nest. 

X-x-x-x-x-x-X


End file.
